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The Curve Ball

So I’ve been avoiding writing this post for a while, letting things develop further until I was absolutely sure what was up.

Two big announcements:

#1: Not sure if I mentioned this or not, but I got hired at Torrid in the mall right next to school.  I was very excited to get the job.  I’ve been there a few weeks and things are going great.  A couple weeks ago I started freaking out, thinking I wasn’t doing very well, that I wasn’t able to sell and connect with the customers, but then the following week I just flipped a switch in my brain and was all sell, sell, sell!  Its been getting easier every day.

Everybody there is very friendly and supportive.  They really encourage us to enjoy our job, which I love.  But this isn’t so much the curve ball I alluded to, nor such a Big Deal, though it does come into play here in a couple minutes.

#2: I’m taking some time off of school.  I keep struggling and struggling and I feel like I’m trying to spring up a sand dune and just slipping farther and farther below where I’m supposed to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I love learning new things.  I actually like school, I like the challenge, but I’m still doing poorly for no reason.  I get my bouts of The Mean Reds, loose motivation and focus and end up tearing apart my grades and attendance because of it.  Finally, this quarter I’ve reached my wits end with this.  Obviously I need to try something different; maybe I’m just burnt out, maybe this school isn’t the fit for me, maybe SCHOOL just isn’t for me.  Whatever the reason, I need to just step back and try something else.  Its not to say I’ll never get a degree, or I’ll never come back to this school; I’ll make those decisions when the time is right.

For the longest time I’ve felt like I’m not as progressed in life as I should be.  I feel like I’m one stop behind where I want to be.  I was like this in high school, too, always wanting to move on.  And right now, I still feel like I’m trapped at age 18 and not ‘living’ life yet.  I want to be an adult, I want to be responsible for myself.  I want to stop relying on my family to help dig me out of the holes I keep digging for myself.

The hardest part about this is admitting my family was right. Part of the difficulty I have being up here is that my parents aren’t really (and never have been) supportive of the IDEA of me going to this school.  Eventually they resigned themselves to ‘well, its what she wants…’ and are kind of supportive about it.  Its hard to tell, with my parents.  My grandma is the only one who is supportive at all.  I guess you could say my dad is supportive, but only in the sense that he’s desperate to seem supportive so that I don’t crash and burn in a heap of wallowing ashes.

I always tell my dad that most of my difficulties in being up here is that I hit my depressive states and can’t do the things I need to do.  He gets depressed himself, but somehow sees mine as a choice.  As if I choose to be depressed and screw over my expensive education.

Another factor in the decision to take some time off is that I finally took my head out of the sand and asked to see how much exactly I’m in debt for school so far.  Its scary.  I pretty much made up my mind right there and then that I couldn’t continue at this school.  I mean, if I already owe so much, and another year on top of that would be $20K more?  Jesus, and I’m not that great of a student–I just can’t rationalize that cost anymore.

Finally, I’ve been taught all the things I really want to know for what I want to do.  At this point, I could get an internship or maybe even an entry level position. It would take more work than having the BA at the end of my name, but when I’m determined, I usually figure out a way to make things happen.

So.  I’m kinda excited to be moving back to St. Louis.  Once I had made the decision, I’ve felt more light, like I have less burden on my shoulders.  I was a little sad to be putting off school, but I know in my heart that this decision is right for me, right now.  I went back to the therapist I saw back in December when I was struggling with school and told her of what I was thinking of doing.  I wanted to see if I was just playing fantasy in my head, or if these were sound reasons to make this decision.  She re-assured me that it was good reasoning.

One of the main reasons I hesitated to making this choice was regret.  I was afraid I’d regret making this decision later on, and her response was so insightful: regret is a choice, too.  You CHOOSE to feel regretful over something–just don’t look at it in a regretful way, and you’ll be fine.

Now, my biggest hurdle is my dad.  He still thinks this is a temporary thing, like just three months off of school.  And it is–it is definitely just a trial period.  If things don’t pan out like I thought they would, I would figure out how to get back in school.  Maybe I’d go to the art institute in Kansas City where my aunt lives; at least there I’d have family who supports and loves me.

When I told my dad about this idea, he very characteristically flippppppped outttt.  His BIGGEST concern is the money.  He is sooooo freakin’ afraid I’m going to default on my loans and he’d end up paying.  My mom ended up having to pay on part of my brother’s student loan–this is all my dad sees in me when I mention things like this.  And of course, hes going to be thinking I’m ungrateful to all of the help he’s done in making that dream come true, but I am a different person today than I was when I finished HS.  Totally different.  I want different things in life now.

I mean, I’m considering getting dread locks, I’m that much of a hippie these days.  😀

One thing is for certain–I WILL  be persuing a career in post-production and motion graphics. And that is because I’m passionate about it, and I know it will give me the paycheck I need to pay off that massive pile of student loan.

Oh, one last thing, I mentioned working at Torrid; I’m going to see if they can transfer me to St. Louis.  There are two stores down there, so I’m hoping one of them could use somebody for at least a few hours a week.  That way, I can still have somewhat of a paycheck while I look for another job (if needed, what luck if they really do need to fill a position!)  Also, the Jo-Anns I worked at in St. Peters just moved to a larger location, so perhaps they’ll need a knowledgeable customer service expert to add to their team!  But, I think at that point, if i do go back to Jo-Anns, I may start on the path to being a manager…  I mean, if I’m not in school, might as well, right?

Agh, its like a stream of consciousness today.  though i did warn i was long winded.  but that is what is happening…

2010
06/21
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A two-shower kind of day…

This photo describes exactly what I want to do today.  It is hot here in Chicago.  Actually, the hot is not the problem.  The problem is the humidity.  It is friggen muggy here.  I feel like I’m wading through a cloud, like I’ll drown if I breathe too deep, like, whole-body swampass.  If that’s not a gross enough image, then I’m not sure how else to describe being in my apartment all day.  We have no central air and we didn’t turn on the A/C until this evening when my roomy got home.

The special part of this whole grumble-fest, is that my room is the only bedroom in the apt. that cannot have a/c.  You see, my room is in the center of the apartment, bordered by living room, laundry room, stairwell, and a back room that is a converted patio.  So, while I have windows, they are useless because they give me a fantastic view of the perpetually messy back room.  So,  my room is the most fantastic to have in the winter, it is IMPOSSIBLE to stand in the summer.  I constantly have trouble falling asleep in the summer.  The first summer I was here, I was allowed to have A/C in my room; we just closed the back room off and left the window open in there to vent the back end of the window A/C unit stuck into my window.  But then I wasn’t allowed it since.

BUGGER.

So, this is my wish.  To stick my head in a freezer.  Oh me, oh my.

A hot mess,

Lindsay

ps. image found at flickr in a group i once stumbled upon through FGR (flickr group roulette; its another flickr group…).

2010
05/23
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destined destination

I had a thought a minute ago as I was reading a blog, which reminded me of something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately: where is my life going?  Where will I end up?  Where do I want to go?

I bring this up because I just read that a woman is from a certain area in Canada.  I was thinking, why would she want to live there?  Not that I think it would be a bad place to live, or that there are so many other deserving places, but I was mainly thinking about weather patterns and climate, the flora and fauna, the culture of the city or town, etc.  All of this stuff interests me, would influence where I choose to live.

And then I realized that most people probably aren’t considering any of this when they chose where they live.  And I mean ‘where they live’ in a broad sense–city, state, region, country, continent, hemisphere…etc.  Most people tend to stay close to where they grew up.  They tend to stay in similar regions with similar environment and climate.

Me?  I want to wander.

I’ve been lucky this far in my life to have traveled as much as I have, considering I come from a lower-middle class background.  Inside the US I’ve been to Michigan, South Carolina, Kansas, Florida, and Texas.  I’m from Missouri, and I’ve been all over the state, and I currently live in Illinois.  I’ve never been more west than Dallas, and that was when I was 11 or something like that.  Outside the US, I’ve been to Nicaragua, Spain, and during the Spain trip we took a day trip to Morocco.

With this little taste of travel, I have caught the sickness–I want to travel.  I want to try living abroad–which is why I’ve spend time every now and then to see what it would take to work in another country…

Anyway, I bring all of this up because I think a lot of people miss the point in their lives when they can make the decision on where they will spend the rest, or most, of their life.  I guess they automatically assume it has to be right where you are, as if when a seed drops its first roots it can’t be transplanted.  Sometimes moving someplace else can really help a person flourish.  Or it could hinder you.

I know that’s what I’m going through now.  The current state of my life doesn’t work.  I don’t know that I can blame Chicago, but I do know that I just don’t think I’d like to live the rest of my life here.  In fact, if I ever decide to live here for an extended period of time, I would have to live somewhere else first.

I’m thinking desert.  I used to shudder to think of living in the desert, but I’m hearing such wonderful things about it.  It doesn’t seem to be the lifeless, dead, barren place I once thought it was.  Everything about it is so intriguing and interesting.  I’ve never been to a place like it…

I’ve also been thinking about what it would be like to live in a more tropical location, somewhere closer to the equator.  Ah, who knows where I’ll end up.  I’d like to spend some time on the West Coast; I’m not feeling any call to head East…  I want to see what its like in Great Britain, Australia and Japan…  So many places to go!

But I’ll have to finish school and pay off some debt first!  Oh, life…sometimes you get in the way of life!

Desperately seeking to uproot,

Lindsay

ps, top picture is a painting I did using a dry brush technique with acrylic paint in HS.  Second picture was taken in Licking, MO looking west a few years ago during vacation.  Third picture is a scan of a drawing done by either of my parents.

2010
05/20
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Projects!

Currently I have four classes:  Capstone, Media Compositing, User Centered Interface, and Seminar in Life Science.  We are a little over half-way through this quarter, and I am doing mostly horrible.  My attendance is not the greatest, though it has been a marked improvement from previous quarters.  The part I’m struggling with is getting things done.  I have no drive to complete my assignments.

So here are those projects:

CAPSTONE:

This class is required to graduate for all majors.  This is the class where we write a 10 page paper on a subject of our choice.  Then we are put into groups to help facilitate research and writing.  We will also give a presentation of our topics as a group at the end of the quarter.  This means that the paper has to be turned in by week 9.  It is currently the tail end of week 7.

My topic for this paper is on censorship in film, mainly focusing on the practices and double-standards of the MPAA.  My research is, of course, driven by This Film Is Not Yet Rated, a documentary by Kirby Dick.

Today is the day we were supposed to turn in our rough drafts–which I did not do, and therefore did not attend class, instead freaking out this morning.  I think my problem is my research…I just don’t think I have enough…

MEDIA COMPOSITING:

I think I’ve already explained this class once before when I posted one of the first assignments.  Since that one, I’ve missed almost every project and worksheet.  Thus begins the final project, a doozy that stretches out from before mid-term till the end of quarter.  It is a poster.  A moving poster.  It can advertise a product or a movie, but it has to be challenging enough to keep me busy for weeks, and include compositing in some form.

Pretty specific, right?  Not.  This project was much too open ended for me.  I had a hard time figuring out what I wanted to do.  To make a long story short, I knew I wanted to use the image of a woman with her hair blowing in some wind in slow motion.  How to incorporate this into a moving poster was my problem.  After a couple weeks of hemming and hawing, and by some suggestions by fellow students, I have settled on the idea of doing  a moving poster for a fake documentary on hair.  When this suggestion was made, immediatly I had images going through my head and I knew that that was the direction I needed to go.

This is the style-board I made depicting what a still frame of the poster might look like.  The teacher specified it needed to be about 16:9, but vertical, like a standard poster.

There is still a lot I need to work on, but first I need to film some hair.  However, that means I need to get time in the green screen room, but closer we get to finals, the harder its gonna be.  I HAVE to get that footage by next week.  If I don’t, I’m pretty well screwed.  But other than that, all I need to work on is the graphics and compositing things together once I have all the components.

USER CENTERED INTERFACE:

This is a web design class where we primarily learn flash, but then we also learn how to input flash elements into HTML documents.  Our final project will be a fully functioning site with several pages to it.  I’m actually doing okay in this class.  Theres a couple assignments I’ve missed, but I’ve had pretty steady attendance…

If you’d like to see some of the things we’ve done so far, here are a few dinky little projects:  One, Two, Three.  Yay!

SEMINAR IN LIFE SCIENCE:

Which is actually not a science class at all.  O.o  What we’ve been doing is research for a 30-40 minute presentation with a partner.  My partner and I chose to do our research on the rights of being barefoot in society.  We each have to pick a side (i’m pro barefoot, if I haven’t already established that on this blog…) and then prepare an argument.  Its almost like a debate, but that we have to come to an agreement on what the ‘truth’ of the matter is.  And then we had to prepare powerpoint slides and test questions and all this extra stuff.

Whats great about this class is that the bulk of my work is done.  We’ve already handed in everything and we start presenting this week.  My partner and I are scheduled for next week, and in the mean time we are not allowed to change our presentation.  So yay.  Hardly any work left.  Just watch other presentations, learn their subjects enough to pass the final, and give my presentation (which I still have to practice and prepare notes…).

Everything else:

All in all, this is a pretty stressful time for me.  On top of all that school stuff, I just got hired at Torrid, which is exciiiiiiiting.  I’ve wanted to work there for YEARS and the bunch of people I’ll be working with seem sooo nice and laid back.  Just my style.  And I think they think I’m funny; I was so  interested in how their payment system and other things.

Ugh.  Sorry for the long-winded post, but writing these things down seems to have helped get them all in focus.  Its not QUITE as much as I thought there was…

Trying to breath deeply,

Lindsay

ps, top picture is one from a series I did a long time ago for a photo class.   For interface design, project one includes photos found from one of my favorite flickr users, simplemoth; project two includes traced images of the Canon logo and a 5D MK II, created in Illustrator; project three includes images designed and created in Illustrator.  I also traced the Smuckers logo.  The picture of feet was found on google, if you own the image and do not want me using it, please let me know!

2010
05/19
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Feeling Grief Over Nothing, or How I Beat Depression Today

So this morning I woke up and still felt weepy.  I never got to the point where I cried at all last night, but I still felt like I was grieving over something.  Perhaps this is just pent up emotions, or maybe residual grief finally coming to the surface.  Maybe it’s grief over coming to terms with the fact that I won’t be able to have my fantasy life for quite some time.  Maybe its grief over a deteriorating friendship.  Maybe its grief over my recent failures…  but whatever the case, it was definitely grief.

Today, I’m still trying to act with compassion toward myself in dealing with this wave of depression I’m feeling.  None of my feelings have healed; I am still quite depressed–however, I had a burning desire to reach out for help today.

I guess not squashing my feelings with a notion that they are not valid and that I should not be having them really helps.  Usually at this point I’m no longer really depressed, because I have moved on to anxiety which prevents me from dealing with the fallout of my depression.  But this morning I wanted to talk to someone.  I wanted to share my feelings, as if they might be worth someone’s time.

Everyone in my life that I turn to for support is always telling me I can call them when I’m feeling down, or if I’m having trouble.  I usually dismiss this as politeness and tend to stick it on my own through the tough times and tell them about it afterward.  But this time, I called my mom.

Its an interesting choice calling her first.  Lately I’ve been reaching out to my Grandma first; she’s been my life-line for the last three years living away from home.  She can’t support me with any of my financial needs, but she gives the best hugs and pretty rock solid advice.  My mom and I have always had a slightly distant relationship–its hard to get close to her.  But today I thought I’d take her up on her offer to call when I’m feeling down.

I think I may have surprised her with my sobby call.  After-all, yesterday I had happily chattered her ear off for a good twenty minutes.  But I figured I would show her exactly how quickly I can be taken by depression, and how deep it goes.

But the best part about reaching out to my mother, was that it helped me acknowledge the validity of my feelings.  Sure there were a lot of suggestions on the line from Ma about eating the right things, drinking some water, maybe it’s my wacky hormones, etc.; but I think the mere act of calling someone and reaching out DURING THE MOMENT depression had gripped me the hardest was the best thing I could have done to nip this thing in the bud.

I was feeling pretty bummed last night and acted with compassion toward myself to let the feelings happen.  Then, this morning, I still felt pretty lousy and acted with more compassion.  This is probably one of the darker depressed states I’ve been in in quite a while–but also the shortest.  I’m sure I’ll not fully come out of it for a few days, but I feel functional again, and without anxiety.  That’s the best part.  Most of the time its the anxiety that follows depression that cripples me.  Writing this blog seems to be helping too…

Feeling a little stronger,

Lindsay

ps, the first picture was from an assignment in photography class two years ago.  The frame holds a picture of the dog I had as a kid, who was put to sleep in the fall of ’07.  This picture reminds me of the good things in life, including a healthy dose of grief for a loved one.  The second picture is a random one of my mom I snapped as we were walking to the car one day.  I only got two before she covered her face and told me to put away the camera.  😉

2010
05/19
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Compassion

Feeling quite emotional today.  There is a lot of drama going on in my life, some good, some bad.  All I can do is try not to beat myself up over it.

The last few days I’ve been reading a blog by one of the fantastic people that works at the Tree of Life in Patagonia, AZ.  The more I’ve been looking into this place, the more I want to go there.  In fact, I’m getting such a burning to change my entire life plan–though I know it would be impossible.  The stars themselves would have to align for me to be so blessed.  Even so, I plan on taking a 3-4 week sabbatical to rest and rejuvinate my mind, body and soul  there.

The woman that writes the blog I mentioned is named Courtney.  Her blog is all about her journey through raw food and beating emotional eating and eating disorders.  I connect with her so much on these issues, as I’m sure a lot of people do.  One thing that she mentions she has begun to try to do is to have compassion with herself when she doesn’t quite measure up to the very high standards she sets for herself.  She realizes she is not perfect, that by reaching for the stars, you may wind up with the moon, which is still quite an achievement.

Today I’m battling with a myriad of things, not all food related.  At one point I just wanted to scream–with no provocation.  I was just browsing the internet, lost myself in thought, and then had the sudden, overwhelming urge to just SCREAM.  I’m not sure what it would have accomplished.  Screaming out of anger?  Frustration?  Sadness?  Loneliness?  I’m not sure I’ll ever figure it out.

So instead of beating myself up over some of the issues I’m having today (too many to list…), I choose to respond with compassion.  I understand that I am having these feelings; they are legitimate.  My plan is to maybe have a sob and then rest.  Tomorrow I should be able to have the frame of mind to deal with my problems.  Right now, under the duress of building emotional pressure, I cannot make any decisions or complete homework.

Part of my problem could be the mini binge this evening on chocolate ice cream and icing, followed by an entire box of mac and cheese.  Perhaps what I am feeling is guilt sidling up to it’s good friend depression.

Stressed,

Lindsay

P.S.  The image above was from an assignment from last year of an original character named Jurissa.  She is one of the main characters (of five) for a story I’ve been writing for years off and on.  She is an holistic healer and midwife, also sometimes a spiritual leader.  She has a wealth of compassion.

2010
05/18
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out of place

05-13-2010

I’ve definitely been feeling out of place in my own life, lately.  I don’t feel this way all the time, but frequently enough that I’m starting to notice it.

For some time now I’ve been feeling like I need to be in a more positive environment.  I don’t think I’ve ever really been in a supportive environment where everybody shares the same values as me.  In fact, I’m not even sure I really understood what my values WERE until recently.  I do now.

There is this amazing place in Arizona called the Tree of Life.  They provide a healing and loving atmosphere for people to grow and learn and heal their body, mind and spirit.  Everything I’ve heard about this place is absolutely inspiring.  For people tuned in to that kind of thing, they say that there are these energy flow vortexes surrounding the place, naturally found in some places in Arizona…  The programs they have are amazing.  Their biggest one they have right now is for reversing diabetes.  True.

I first heard about the Tree of Life through this somewhat high-profile raw-foodist couple Matt & Angela in one of their videos on Youtube. They went back a few times, so it was always a place I’d remember in the back of my mind–like somebody mentioning their favorite spot to vacation is this one specific vineyard in Napa Valley.

Last week I was catching up on Matt & Angela’s recent happenings.  They’re living in Vilcabamba, Ecuador now, in a similar sort of atmosphere of being in the middle of nowhere, where the vibrations are amazing and they can plant a garden.  I may not be making any sense.  Anyway, there was recently a gathering of raw-foodists in Vilcabamba and there is something that happens when you get a lot of them together–vibrations bounce off each other and they just get ecstatic.  So many people start talking about spirits and vibrations and energies.  Eventually, after you’ve seen enough of these videos, and kind of immerse yourself in the lifestyle, you begin to understand what they mean when they’re talking about this sort of thing.

So I came to the realization that this is exactly what I need for my life.  I need to be around people who are ecstatic beings; people who are excited about life, cherish it, and have positive vibes they give off.  I also decided I really wanted to start looking into this strange religious thing happening here.  I want to be a spiritual leader for people I know–I truly believe that this is the thing I’ve been looking for, even though I wasn’t looking for anything.  I now know the path I’ll be going down.

I’ve been saying this a lot lately, though; that I’ve found the path I’m meant to walk–well, this time I mean spiritual path.  Over the last year I found my job path (post production/motion graphics/editing), and also my financial path (Dave Ramsey, anyone?), but now I know my lifestyle and spiritual path.  There are, of course, other things I have planned for myself, too, but this is very important for me and will take priority.  That is, after I graduate!

Graduating is first!  Which means, I should stop dicking around the internet and start typing up these power point slides for my presentation tomorrow.  ugh.

I know I haven’t been around a lot lately.  Partly that’s because I checked out of my life and started vegging after school every day (boston legal, ftw!), and pretty much ignored homework.  Also because I’ve been so busy trying to catch up.  Oh, and looking for a job.

Had an interview with Urban Outfitters, which was a group interview.  It went okay, but I really don’t think I had a chance.  Then I had an interview with Torrid that went fantastically.  Basically the woman said I was hired, as long as my references check out.  Sweet.  Hopefully that pans out; I love that store.  Also, the new Whole Foods is hiring more people, so I applied again.  Maybe this time (if I don’t get Torrid) I’ll get their call cause my phone is working!

Enjoy the sunshine!

Lindsay

ps. I’ll update with class/projects tomorrow or this weekend.  Also, I designed the little pic at the top of this entry and I think I may keep doing that as a little design exercise for each entry…

2010
05/14
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The Mean Reds

Occasionally I get depressed and anxious.  It usually happens when I’m not doing the things I should be doing.  If I slack on homework, or show up to classes late time after time, eventually I end up with the Mean Reds.

If you’ve ever seen Breakfast at Tiffany’s, then you might know what I’m talking about.  Holly explains to her new neighbor that she sometimes gets the Mean Reds.  He asks if she means the Blues.  She says, no, the Mean Reds is when you want to stay in bed all day afraid–afraid of what? who knows; but afraid all the same.

Here’s a clip. She starts explaining it at 2:42, but the whole scene is delicious.

So, yes.  I have the Mean Reds, today.  I have a shit-ton of work I need to catch up on, but every time I go home, I’m simply too exhausted to do any of it.  Instead I watch a few episodes of Boston Legal and go to sleep.  I am so angry and annoyed with  myself, and very anxious about going to class.

I’m going to finish an assignment I missed the other day, and then head home to my cave, skipping my last class of the day.  Not the best solution, but the only one I’ve got.

I think I just need to go to St. Louis and get some hugs from my family.  Maybe that’s my Tiffany’s.

2010
04/28
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Like Flipping a Switch…

I don’t know why it has suddenly had a deep impact, because surely I’ve known this for a while, but the other night I realized with such clarity that my life will be changing significantly in about 9-12 months.  Jaw-droppingly different.  I have been a student for… well, forever.  I’ve been in school since pre-school when I was three or four.  UGH.  And now finally I’ve finally opened my eyes and I see light at the end of the tunnel.

Firstly, the biggest change in store, besides not going to school every day, will be moving.  I’ve decided that I won’t be staying in Chicago after I graduate, unless I am able to find a job pretty soon after graduation.  It seems the only viable option for me right now is moving back to St. Louis to be with my family while I search for a job.  I’ll be looking for a job in the St. Louis area, Kansas City, Los Angelas, and Chicago.  I may even put my feelers out for jobs abroad (UK or Australia).

The second biggest change would be working–making money.  I’m hoping for a job in St. Louis.  The cost of living is pretty low there, and I would be able to attack my student loan debt pretty aggressively.  Also, having the support of my family nearby would be an added benefit.  I’ve already talked to one of my best friends and she’s agreed we could be roommates.  She’s pretty responsible and keeps a clean home, so I don’t think we’ll have any problems rooming together.

One other scenario is that I don’t graduate in December, but instead in March–OR if I have graduated December, but haven’t gotten a job for a few months, I may consider moving out to California with one of my friends that I go to school with.  We would room together and share the rent, which would help with the high cost of living there.  I would  have a better chance of getting a job out in Santa Monica, only because of the sheer number of production companies out there (duh).

Another big change for me after I get a job is learning to properly manage my money.  I know I won’t be perfect at it; I’m bound to screw it up because I’ve never had steady income.  Its been feast or famine, with me.  I’m excited to finally  have some stability in my life, and eventually say goodbye to Murphy.  I’m taking steps now to learn how to manage money right by reading Dave Ramsey’s The Total Money Makeover.  I need to learn discipline and good techniques to form good habits.  I’m sure I will get there.

So.  There are other things that will change, of course, when I graduate and move on with my life (for instance, free time??), but I’m too lazy to think of any right now.  Got a class in a little bit, but I thought I’d jot down some of the thoughts I’ve been having lately.

Oh, this weekend, I got off my ass and made a totebag that KenKen liked so much she wanted to keep it for herself.  I’m not particularly fond of the main print I used in it, but at least somebody likes it.  🙂  I may post pictures.  And then I made a mother’s day card for my brother to send to our mom.  He was being silly on the phone one day and came up with a Roses are Red poem and I told him I’d make him a card for mom.  So I finally did.  🙂  It turned out pretty nice; I did some india ink brush painting and washing on some decorative paper.  I have the card drying pressed flat under some books.  It was all dry mounted together with rubber cement, but it should cure for a while, or whatever…

2010
04/26
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Life
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I SMELL LIKE FUEL.

Its true; I do.

I got my car back today!  So happy–and she runs SO smoothly.  Amazing what a little TLC does to machinery…hmm imagine that.

The mechanic changed the oil, and the oil filter.  He changed the spark plugs, the starter wires, and also put in a new gas filter–which he said was desperately needed.  I’m guessing that was the main cause of my car suddenly dieing.  Of course, it didn’t help that the engine was bone dry and it was a HOT day.

Total came to $350, including the $80 tow bill.  He said there was more that could be done to the car, but that he didn’t want to do more than what was absolutely necessary for my car to run reliably.  I need something replaced on the front axel, new shocks and struts, and there was something he said with a gear head and roter.  It all sounds very expensive, but this guy was very nice and honest and I will likely go back to him with further repairs (when I’m in Chicago, that is).

So when I came in to pay the bill, he said he smelled gasoline in the car, as if there was a leak–but he checked and double checked–no leak.  We started to walk out toward the car so he could show me, when I mentioned that I had put a gas can in the trunk on Thursday when the car broke down.  He stopped immediately and turned around.  “Yep,” he said, “That’ll be it.”

Sure enough, when I went to take the car home, I could smell the gasoline before I even got close.  Once home, I opened the trunk and saw the gas can laying on its side.  It had leaked.  UGH.  I tried to empty the rest of the gas into my tank.  Its one of those new gas cans where you can’t invert the handle to seal the can, its been ‘updated’ to be ‘safer’ and made to not leak.  LIES.  Ugh.  I ended up throwing the gas can away–after I washed it in some soapy water and diluted the remaining tiny bit of gas in it.

My clothes smelled like gas, though, and everything in the trunk did too.  It was about time to clean out the trunk anyway, so I hauled up all the things that needed to be sorted, then set to sorting them.  The trunk is now organized and airing out.  And now, because the papers that were in the trunk are in my room, my room smells like gas.  I have two fans pointing out of windows, trying to waft the odor out, but I think it’ll be around for a few days…  My roommates mother, who lives with us, will not be happy.  She often complains of the tiniest of scents.

On a happier note, I finally got tired of hating my hairstyle, so I went and got some BANGS!

They make me feel all spunky and flirty!  Amazing what a simple change could do.  The ‘bangs’ I had before the cut, were pretty long.  They hung an inch or so below my chin and could be tucked easily behind my ears.  If I did it right, I sometimes was able to get all of my hair, including the bangs, secured by a ponytail.The rest of the cut was just re-touching my layers, since I’d had a trim not too long ago.  I think she did a good job.  I went to the place right next to the apt.  My old salon was close to where I used to work and they closed down…so I was in search of a new place anyway.  However, it cost $40 BEFORE tip.  *jawdrop*  I thought that place would be cheaper than my normal spot.  However, I hardly EVER get my hair done, so I’m willing to spend a little more on it.

2010
04/20
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Daily Adventures
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Murphy
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